Archived entries for
t-minus 3 weeks until he visits
“I always get a kick out of the vet forms where it says ’species: canine.’”
“That’s not a species,” he says. “That’d be lupus, lupus familiaris.”
“No, but it really says ‘canine.’”
“But that’s a taxonomic fail. Sorry, natural history stickler!”
“Whenever I see Matt and Kim’s dog,” he continues, “I tell her in my ‘talking to dogs’ voice how the majesty of her wolf ancestry is completely squandered in her barky, beg-for-treats submission— how she’s not even the beta or the gamma wolf in the pack but a delta, and occasionally epsilon dog. ‘Who’s no longer an apex predator? Who’s a pathetic delta dog? That’s right! Sooooo pathetic.’ Such insults I will tell Pixel, as well, when i get to meet her.”
“Pixel Dog has no ancestry— a designer dog, that one is, manufactured by now-defunct Sugar Babies Maltese.”
“Indeed, we shall see.”
Marlboro man, engineer edition
This handsome man came over and gardened in my backyard over the weekend. The view reminded me of Pioneer Woman’s Marlboro man.
And so my birthday happened
I started to panic Tuesday night, thinking I’m running out of 20-something birthdays and I’ve been much too sober for most of ‘em, so I grabbed a date and trekked out at the stroke of midnight to my favorite bar.
I ordered “one chocolate birthday milkshake, please.” And wouldn’tchaknowit, the guys came back with candlelit ice-cream slop.
